Surprisingly enough, it has been over a month since I posted an entry. A lot has been going on-new boyfriend, Pentecost 2007 , Sarah's birthday at the beach (YAY!), the demolition of my kitchen. I should take pics everyday of the progress, so we can see how far we've come.
I've also found a place to live-or at least I think I have. I told the girls that I would confirm the room by the end of week, and I told them yesterday...one day late...will that matter? I'me glad to have that settled and I am looking forward to being in the house, but I wish that I did not have to wait until September. It will give me some time before they move to Indiana. My bro is going to South Carolina.
I alo painted a LOT of poles and I have to be so thankful for my friends-they really stuck through it with me and helped.
I don't have much to say right now...just rambling.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Too busy to blog??
If I have been too busy to blog, what have I been doing? Well, I've been out of the house more this week courtesy of a few friends (Thank you! love B'more at night!) and I have discovered facebook. Facebook allows me to connect with a large amount of people (people I actually know...not freaky strangers...although they might be lovely people...I really don't know) with minimal effort. It started like this, I get an invite from Tamsin (Gresswell) Woodbridge, whom I went to 6th form with in England for a year. We only had math together, as well as outdoor rec activities. We were tight back then and I saw her when I was in England back in 2005. So, I just get this innocent little e-mail asking me to join facebook and I think, why not, I created a myspace account but really didn't do too much with it.
This one is taking over my life! I get home at night and check out what is going on. Respond to messages in my inbox, look for more of my friends on my other friends' pages. I've reconnected with all of these people all over the world. Craziness.
So, that is partly why I have not been blogging as much. I've also been working out things a little more audibly with other people, which I think in the long run might be slightly healther. Of course, I still talk to myself, as one of my co-workers likes to remind me (he sits in an office close by, when he is at the office). But, I have found comfort in this article (do read, it is just a little amusing) in Christian Singles Newsletter. I hope you laugh like I did...or you laugh at me, either way, it is ok. We all have little things going on in our heads...that sometimes spill over and out of our mouths. Hopefully not things we meant to keep in, but that's ok. Grace abounds....
This one is taking over my life! I get home at night and check out what is going on. Respond to messages in my inbox, look for more of my friends on my other friends' pages. I've reconnected with all of these people all over the world. Craziness.
So, that is partly why I have not been blogging as much. I've also been working out things a little more audibly with other people, which I think in the long run might be slightly healther. Of course, I still talk to myself, as one of my co-workers likes to remind me (he sits in an office close by, when he is at the office). But, I have found comfort in this article (do read, it is just a little amusing) in Christian Singles Newsletter. I hope you laugh like I did...or you laugh at me, either way, it is ok. We all have little things going on in our heads...that sometimes spill over and out of our mouths. Hopefully not things we meant to keep in, but that's ok. Grace abounds....
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Ode to the guitar
Oh, fragile thing of wood and string
Melodies resonate from the touch of the metal by the flesh
fragile bowed wood that can be crushed by the banging on the floor by the lead of Arcade Fire
or coaxed to make sound inexplicable
The quick beat of the drum
The piano tickled
Gourd
We sit in the room, myself almost the youngest
I tap my feet, cross my legs, uncross
I hear the sounds of Brazil, of Africa
reminding me of travels taken and untaken
the past and the future
Why do I leave my guitar in the corner
waiting to be played?
This is the worst ode ever
Melodies resonate from the touch of the metal by the flesh
fragile bowed wood that can be crushed by the banging on the floor by the lead of Arcade Fire
or coaxed to make sound inexplicable
The quick beat of the drum
The piano tickled
Gourd
We sit in the room, myself almost the youngest
I tap my feet, cross my legs, uncross
I hear the sounds of Brazil, of Africa
reminding me of travels taken and untaken
the past and the future
Why do I leave my guitar in the corner
waiting to be played?
This is the worst ode ever
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Screen Free Night
I'm starting to think that I need one of these!! Ack-I'm addicted to Facebook. Did you know I just found a friend from when I was 16 in another country? This is so bad for me-not finding the person, but the whole thing. Still can't get a stupid pic up. I tried taking a pic with my phone and sending to my hotmail e-mail so I could upload it, but it wouldn't send.
Oh, well, to bed I go. But, tomorrow, I will write an ode to the guitar...
Oh, well, to bed I go. But, tomorrow, I will write an ode to the guitar...
Monday, April 23, 2007
Music Addict
I don't know what has happened to me. I am sucking up music like it is going out of style. It's the e-music thing, really. I was waiting and waiting for the turn over of the month to finish downloading Belle & Sebastian's The Life Pursuit. Then I had to download Rodrigo y Gabriela, who are not Brazilian as I had previously stated but Mexican. LOVE them! They are coming to 9:30 Club June 30th, I think. I really want to see them, but we shall see. My sister said I could also visit that weekend.
I still have 22 gigs on my iPod. I should download more podcasts to listen to, but I really need to get some device that will allow me to play my iPod on my car stereo. I am, for some odd reason, more likely to listen to talking people in the car. If it is preaching, I might say "amen" or "true that" (in my white suburban way) too much in public and that would be embarassing. Or, what is truly more likely, I might start a running commentary out loud in response to what I am hearing. In church, I can write my comments down, which are usually in paranthesis and consist of (Oh, really, must check on dates when synagogues were regulary attended) or (Do they really think that homosexuals are breaking up marriages or perhaps could divorce from hetero affairs be more prevalent) or other smart aleck remarks made in my turned-up-nose voice. But, if I am listening on the train, then I might just say something aloud. Of course, there are enough crazy people on the train that I might just fit right in....
I still have 22 gigs on my iPod. I should download more podcasts to listen to, but I really need to get some device that will allow me to play my iPod on my car stereo. I am, for some odd reason, more likely to listen to talking people in the car. If it is preaching, I might say "amen" or "true that" (in my white suburban way) too much in public and that would be embarassing. Or, what is truly more likely, I might start a running commentary out loud in response to what I am hearing. In church, I can write my comments down, which are usually in paranthesis and consist of (Oh, really, must check on dates when synagogues were regulary attended) or (Do they really think that homosexuals are breaking up marriages or perhaps could divorce from hetero affairs be more prevalent) or other smart aleck remarks made in my turned-up-nose voice. But, if I am listening on the train, then I might just say something aloud. Of course, there are enough crazy people on the train that I might just fit right in....
Fairtrade Coffee at Sam's Club??
So, there I was, pushing my gargantuan shopping cart, filled with dixie paper cups and paper plates and dessert paper plates, all in coordinating khaki rope-looking edging, along with my coffee cups and my garbage bags. I looked like I was shopping for a very large household of screaming kids and caffeinated parents, cause that's all that keeps them going. And there, lo and behold, was a huge 2.5 lb. bag of Sam's Club "Fairtrade" coffee-espresso roast no less. I thought, wow they are really getting on board. I mean if Sam's club can do it, then maybe my church could go fairtrade! I know that is a terrible thought to think...basing a social justice action on a mega wholesale company's products is probably not very coherent! Then I looked at the price. It was less than the non-fairtrade Starbuck's brand coffee. Which makes me very suspicious for some reason. Why is that? And why couldn't I rejoice in this small victory of the world becoming a better place (still yet to be determined whether this coffee is truly fairtrade). What cynicism resides in me to crush hope??!!! Do I just enjoy my soapbox that much (the truth is yes, I truly like my railing position upon the melting soap box)? Anyways, does anyone know anything? Is it truly fairtrade?? You can't find a pic online: http://www.samsclub.com/shopping/navigate.do?dest=5&item=351220. I'm curious as to how Sam's club fairtrade coffee is less expensive than Starbuck's and who the supplier is.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Morality
So, my friend, Jake, and I were sitting at the Dolphin show tonight discussing "what is moral?" or "what determines what is moral behavior?". I'm throwng this out for response, because I really believe that deep down at the root, "morality" is determined by culture. Now there can be many good and true things, and equally bad things, from my perspective, which can be considered moral or immoral. Or there can be concepts. such as "murder" that can be considered "immoral" and therefore punishable by law and community. However, "murder" itself is not an act but a category of crime, which then a society chooses to prohibit. "Killing" is an act that can be determined as "murder" or not. What makes up "murder" is determined by the society. For instance, there is law/community/government that says certain kinds of "killing" are legal. Killing in war is legal (within certain bounds). Killing unborn fetuses is legal (within certain bounds). Killing animals is legal (within certain bounds). However, the "killing" of one private civilian of another is generally not legal and therefore is punishable, sometimes by another legal "killing".
In somes way, I do not believe that we can legislate morality and usually when I am saying such things, I am referring to some sort of religious ethic being taught through government means, or laws on adultery. Civil laws should be support civil society. The problem seems to be that our laws allow more permissiveness in a culture that does not practice restraint. So, it would be great to have a capitalist economic system if people had a socialist ethic, in which they considered the common good above their own (one might argue that this follows a mandate to "love one another as yourself").
Morality truly is a behavior I think, that rises out of belief. For instance, many religious women voluntarily or under compulsion, wear headcoverings (Jewish, Muslim and Christian). In their culture it is moral to cover oneself out of modesty-preserving men from temptation, or a symbol of being under correct authority, honoring themselves, or perhaps even honoring tradition. Therefore a woman in that sub-culture or culture, who does not exhibit this behavior would be thought to be immoral. If I enter that culture, I might cover my head out of respect, particularly to the women. But, also as a Christian, I believe in freedom. Paul talks about a woman's hair being her head-covering. I am also concerned that men should feel liberality with their judgment of women, or that they do not have to guard their hearts (if the hair thing is really causing a problem). I personally, am more concerned that women are not objectified because it debases both men and women. It promotes violence against those that do not adher to the behavior, as well as disdain, which undermine a reality that I believe goes far beyond the behavior or morality issue, which is that I believe humanity (men and women) is made in the image of God. We bear the stamp something very good. I hesitate to say divine because that gets messy. But, it is something more than just dust to dust. Therefore, I am called to treat people as their better self and not degrade them. So, I try not to objectify myself or manipulate others. But, this flows out of a deeper truth than "it is good to be moral" or the pragmaticism of civil society.
Anyways, these are just some thoughts. I don't want to be involved in arguements over morality. It is too divergent in this world. But maybe respect is a good place to start.
Thoughts?
In somes way, I do not believe that we can legislate morality and usually when I am saying such things, I am referring to some sort of religious ethic being taught through government means, or laws on adultery. Civil laws should be support civil society. The problem seems to be that our laws allow more permissiveness in a culture that does not practice restraint. So, it would be great to have a capitalist economic system if people had a socialist ethic, in which they considered the common good above their own (one might argue that this follows a mandate to "love one another as yourself").
Morality truly is a behavior I think, that rises out of belief. For instance, many religious women voluntarily or under compulsion, wear headcoverings (Jewish, Muslim and Christian). In their culture it is moral to cover oneself out of modesty-preserving men from temptation, or a symbol of being under correct authority, honoring themselves, or perhaps even honoring tradition. Therefore a woman in that sub-culture or culture, who does not exhibit this behavior would be thought to be immoral. If I enter that culture, I might cover my head out of respect, particularly to the women. But, also as a Christian, I believe in freedom. Paul talks about a woman's hair being her head-covering. I am also concerned that men should feel liberality with their judgment of women, or that they do not have to guard their hearts (if the hair thing is really causing a problem). I personally, am more concerned that women are not objectified because it debases both men and women. It promotes violence against those that do not adher to the behavior, as well as disdain, which undermine a reality that I believe goes far beyond the behavior or morality issue, which is that I believe humanity (men and women) is made in the image of God. We bear the stamp something very good. I hesitate to say divine because that gets messy. But, it is something more than just dust to dust. Therefore, I am called to treat people as their better self and not degrade them. So, I try not to objectify myself or manipulate others. But, this flows out of a deeper truth than "it is good to be moral" or the pragmaticism of civil society.
Anyways, these are just some thoughts. I don't want to be involved in arguements over morality. It is too divergent in this world. But maybe respect is a good place to start.
Thoughts?
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Taxes done...
Whew! They are done and despite the fact that I made so little money last year, I still owed. Dangit! Oh well, it is just money and life goes on! I'm so glad to have that done.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Christians for Biblical Equality Blog
I know that some of you do not like links and just want to hear what I have to say (how flattering!!??!) but I did want to bring attention to the CBE blog on my links list on the left. I like CBE. I'm reading Men and Women in the Church by Sarah Sumner right now, too, which is written in this wonderful gracious (even slightly whimsical) fashion.
The most recent blog hits a great note, because often the church (particularly evangelical) is lagging behind social justice movements or adopting a secular theory and trying to make it fit with our theology. But, I think this latest blog points out (dare I say "convicts") that this should not be the case. My theology is sufficient to esteem all men and women as being equal-not only equal, but desperately needed in a hurting world- and gifteded. When my theology and anthropology is not sufficient, I am probably not reading my Bible or being quiet enough to hear the Holy Spirit. I am probably letting the voice of my own fears and the "church" (who is "they" anyway) crowd out what my heart knows.
And I might be single for the rest of life because of this theology, but at least I have the hope of wholeness and the faith that God loves me and has called me. Not trying to be a man and not being told how to be a deficient woman. (please note, this blog is not written in bitterness, but a hint of sarcasm might have been sprinkled on that last sentence)
The most recent blog hits a great note, because often the church (particularly evangelical) is lagging behind social justice movements or adopting a secular theory and trying to make it fit with our theology. But, I think this latest blog points out (dare I say "convicts") that this should not be the case. My theology is sufficient to esteem all men and women as being equal-not only equal, but desperately needed in a hurting world- and gifteded. When my theology and anthropology is not sufficient, I am probably not reading my Bible or being quiet enough to hear the Holy Spirit. I am probably letting the voice of my own fears and the "church" (who is "they" anyway) crowd out what my heart knows.
And I might be single for the rest of life because of this theology, but at least I have the hope of wholeness and the faith that God loves me and has called me. Not trying to be a man and not being told how to be a deficient woman. (please note, this blog is not written in bitterness, but a hint of sarcasm might have been sprinkled on that last sentence)
Monday, April 09, 2007
Tax time!
I can't believe that I have let my taxes go this far. I can't remember the last time that I did this. But, it will be very gratifying when I finish (hopefully tonight). So, here's hoping...ask me tomorrow!
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Friends are good mood changers
So, I was really crabby after work today and I almost called my friend to tell her that she might not want me over for dinner because of my mood. But, I forgot, and talked to friends for my entire ride home on the light rail and my drive to her house. Then I got to her house and was ok. Then, after about an hour, she told me that she had been in a cranky mood and had almost called me to warn me. But, we were both in great spirits by that point.
So, my point is, friends (real friends) are great! It doesn't matter how you are feeling-there's no pretension. And your mood can truly change and it can be a constructive night.
And now it is midnight and I am too awake to sleep. And I don't have to work tomorrow morning, so I think that I will go read my book, something about men and women in the church and concensus in leadership. I will have a post about that later.
You know, I was even in a bad mood about Easter (how stupid is that) before tonight. I just felt that I had not taken enough space/time to contemplate the nature of the season. I had been too consumed with other things (Lord, forgive me). Maybe my mood needs to be sacrificed.
Is my imagery getting too churchy? Ick.
So, my point is, friends (real friends) are great! It doesn't matter how you are feeling-there's no pretension. And your mood can truly change and it can be a constructive night.
And now it is midnight and I am too awake to sleep. And I don't have to work tomorrow morning, so I think that I will go read my book, something about men and women in the church and concensus in leadership. I will have a post about that later.
You know, I was even in a bad mood about Easter (how stupid is that) before tonight. I just felt that I had not taken enough space/time to contemplate the nature of the season. I had been too consumed with other things (Lord, forgive me). Maybe my mood needs to be sacrificed.
Is my imagery getting too churchy? Ick.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Where's the feminine voice in the Emergent Movement?
I love a lot of writers that have been labeled "Emergent"-McLaren, Miller, Bell...Do you see the pattern emerging (heehee)? Where are all the women? There's Lauren F. Winner, who I have not actually read (except in DJ), although I have seen her speak at Oasis.
Of course, there is Kathleen Norris, auther of the Cloister Walk and Amazing Grace. I do not know that she would align herself with the Emergent Church. I saw her name before I heard the term. But, I feel that emergents would have much to listen to in her words. I finally finished Amazing Grace. I must have started it a couple of years ago, since my book marker was the program was from my sister's wedding (not the younger one...the wedding back in July of 2004). I read the sections, savoring each like manna. At least I could reread those words, for they did not disappear after a day. Sweet to my soul. There is a particular part, near the end of the book, where she writes about her husband, who has not embraced the Christian faith. He's a poet but worshipper of reason. Her writings are comforting to me. I have questions about God's guidance in our life and what life is about.
But, thinking upon this to a greater extent. It is not just the here and now. Our lives are eternal-not a chronological line. In the gospel of John, there is a lot of reference to "eternal life" and many people concentrate on the escatalogical (their understanding of heaven, hell, future understanding) perspective of this. But, I have also read other commentators and I see that this fits in the context of the words, that "eternal" is also abundant life. Life to the fullest. It is like my one friend says, we only have one life to make a difference, make the world a better place. I would rather live this life in abundance. Living it to the fullest. Not fullness in the busy sense. That's just busy...but rich in good things. Not materials things to distract me (although I do enjoy beauty manifested by the creative productivity of human hands). So, what is my point?? I'm not sure that I have one. These are just a bit of slightly connected thoughts. You know, I breathed such a sigh of relief when I read a little of Virgina Wolf and learned of an actual style of writing that's name has escaped me...because I have an awful headache.
Well, I have been listening to an awful (using the word "awful" makes me feel like Anne of Green Gables) lot of Switchfoot lately...more on that to come. In the meantime, check out www.emergingwomen.blogspot.com. What do you think about the poem posted by Kate?
So, I don't know if I should really publish this...but here goes.
Of course, there is Kathleen Norris, auther of the Cloister Walk and Amazing Grace. I do not know that she would align herself with the Emergent Church. I saw her name before I heard the term. But, I feel that emergents would have much to listen to in her words. I finally finished Amazing Grace. I must have started it a couple of years ago, since my book marker was the program was from my sister's wedding (not the younger one...the wedding back in July of 2004). I read the sections, savoring each like manna. At least I could reread those words, for they did not disappear after a day. Sweet to my soul. There is a particular part, near the end of the book, where she writes about her husband, who has not embraced the Christian faith. He's a poet but worshipper of reason. Her writings are comforting to me. I have questions about God's guidance in our life and what life is about.
But, thinking upon this to a greater extent. It is not just the here and now. Our lives are eternal-not a chronological line. In the gospel of John, there is a lot of reference to "eternal life" and many people concentrate on the escatalogical (their understanding of heaven, hell, future understanding) perspective of this. But, I have also read other commentators and I see that this fits in the context of the words, that "eternal" is also abundant life. Life to the fullest. It is like my one friend says, we only have one life to make a difference, make the world a better place. I would rather live this life in abundance. Living it to the fullest. Not fullness in the busy sense. That's just busy...but rich in good things. Not materials things to distract me (although I do enjoy beauty manifested by the creative productivity of human hands). So, what is my point?? I'm not sure that I have one. These are just a bit of slightly connected thoughts. You know, I breathed such a sigh of relief when I read a little of Virgina Wolf and learned of an actual style of writing that's name has escaped me...because I have an awful headache.
Well, I have been listening to an awful (using the word "awful" makes me feel like Anne of Green Gables) lot of Switchfoot lately...more on that to come. In the meantime, check out www.emergingwomen.blogspot.com. What do you think about the poem posted by Kate?
So, I don't know if I should really publish this...but here goes.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
6 miles, asphalt and tevas
Apparently, my tevas do not provide enough cushioning on the outer part of my foot as I would like. So those little parts are hurting and I must have spent some time cramping up my back somehow (which I realized today has not hurt since I got my new mattress set around Christmas). So, I think some yoga is in order before bedtime to work out a few of the kinks.
That being said, the weather was crisp and gorgeous, the scenery beautiful and the company excellent. So, all in all, yesterday was a good day!
Oh, and the mystery of the dissapearing bowl was solved-my fellow pottery student had mistaken my mishapen bowl for her own, but found her's upon further investigation and left mine untrimmed. So, I was able to trim my bowl and glaze my very small piece. I'm calling them all "pieces" because they are not necessarily well shaped vessels which could be identified with the form of a bowl or pot or anything. Maybe I should just keep making these pieces and then use them to grow little terrariums. I don't know. I have decided to postpone my next pottery class because I will miss too many classes and I want to go visit friends and have vacation. But, I will start back up in the autumn, I think. Watch-out you could all receive mugs for Christmas!
That being said, the weather was crisp and gorgeous, the scenery beautiful and the company excellent. So, all in all, yesterday was a good day!
Oh, and the mystery of the dissapearing bowl was solved-my fellow pottery student had mistaken my mishapen bowl for her own, but found her's upon further investigation and left mine untrimmed. So, I was able to trim my bowl and glaze my very small piece. I'm calling them all "pieces" because they are not necessarily well shaped vessels which could be identified with the form of a bowl or pot or anything. Maybe I should just keep making these pieces and then use them to grow little terrariums. I don't know. I have decided to postpone my next pottery class because I will miss too many classes and I want to go visit friends and have vacation. But, I will start back up in the autumn, I think. Watch-out you could all receive mugs for Christmas!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Rain in the springtime!
This morning I went out walking-a new start to the spring-I will exercise more. I even ran for approximately 2 minutes. It was drizzling and I had my iPod on. Shuffle does not bring up a lot of upbeat songs...then, again, maybe I don't have much upbeat music.
My little sister is relating her dreams to me. There were lions, but her bones saved her. And she ate her goldfish (ok, this is in real life, goldfish pretzles), because she did not find the booger that she thought was in there...I like to think that she is speaking metaphorically, but I don't know many 3 1/2 year olds that speak metaphorically.
She loves me. I love her. It is so simple.
Oh, I didn't mention the birds... they were all out chirping and singing away. Much better than the music on my iPod.
Have a good day~
My little sister is relating her dreams to me. There were lions, but her bones saved her. And she ate her goldfish (ok, this is in real life, goldfish pretzles), because she did not find the booger that she thought was in there...I like to think that she is speaking metaphorically, but I don't know many 3 1/2 year olds that speak metaphorically.
She loves me. I love her. It is so simple.
Oh, I didn't mention the birds... they were all out chirping and singing away. Much better than the music on my iPod.
Have a good day~
Friday, March 23, 2007
Relationships
I have been thinking A LOT about relationships and I am as messed up as the next person about them. Probably more messed up. I have all of my baggage from a teenager and how I managed relationships. Then I have all of this "something-like-Christian-morals-but-not-really" bunch of "shoulds". Then I have all of this protectionism in me-protect my boundaries, take care of me, etc. How do I live like Christ? How do I become Christ-like? I think that found some interesting and true thoughts in the article by Rob Bell, that was a feature in the Single Connection and can be found here. I love Rob's writing style and his voice-convicting, yet very familiar. I think that even if you are not a Christian, that this article has some good stuff about relationships, not just romantic ones. I wonder what the world would look like if we lived this way, focused on giving rather than getting our needs met, which reminds me of a little article that was in Discipleship Journal a few months ago (but I will have to wait until it is available online or you can order back issues).
Hey and a quick shout out to Nick who told me about Velvet Elvis, which I thought was an excellent book by Mr. Bell-if anyone has to get rid of "brickianity" it is me!
Hey and a quick shout out to Nick who told me about Velvet Elvis, which I thought was an excellent book by Mr. Bell-if anyone has to get rid of "brickianity" it is me!
Mission accomplished: clean bathroom!
I know this seems very strange, but I am quite happy that my bathroom is clean. I find that when my life seems to be spinning out of control it is the mundane things that get neglected and a dirty bathroom is nearly ungodly. Fortunately, I get into cleaning mode quickly. My room is next and I would continue through the entire house except that it is now 9:30ish and I want to go to bed in the next hour. Cleaning my bathroom gives me a definable sense of accomplishment. It takes rather little energy and I can do it. There are things that I can't do tonight-figure out my "career", start and finish my taxes, navigate the relational landmines that I fear will explode, figure out how to make my dad happy or engage with me on a healthy relational level (or all of the dad substitutes), etc. But, I can clean my bathroom. It's done.
I'm sure that in the next few days my energy will run out and I will be very grateful that I cleaned my bathroom tonight. Then I will have to rely on my friends a bit to cheer my up or just watch silly movies with me (Hitch, anyone?)!
But, for tonight, the bathroom is done. Maybe I can get the bedroom reasonably in order next. I need a house, I have too much stuff for one bedroom and the various boxes around my house!
I'm sure that in the next few days my energy will run out and I will be very grateful that I cleaned my bathroom tonight. Then I will have to rely on my friends a bit to cheer my up or just watch silly movies with me (Hitch, anyone?)!
But, for tonight, the bathroom is done. Maybe I can get the bedroom reasonably in order next. I need a house, I have too much stuff for one bedroom and the various boxes around my house!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Ying Yang
I have thought about so many things to blog about. Some were profound. Some were vengeful. Some were silly. So, I think I want to say that God is good or the universe is a good place...seeking balance. After a very confusing and frustrating and sleep deprived weekend, when I was about to write off all people of a certain gender, I had three significant interactions with my own gender that made me happy. 1) I ran into my best friend from middle and high school on the train. 2) My bookgroup met and I learned that although I sometimes feel like Daisy Miller, I am not as ill-fated as she is. 3) One of my college friends called and it was just encouraging.
And since, I have not written off all men and still talk to them, I have connected with the engaged guy that never calls (and he gave me some convicting truth), sushi with another friend (who truly is a friend and not a psuedo-friend), and countless other quick conversations that show that my experience was the weird one. And that maybe I just need to trust my instinct more.
Anyone up for 8 minute dating? Let's ask Captain Kurt...
And since, I have not written off all men and still talk to them, I have connected with the engaged guy that never calls (and he gave me some convicting truth), sushi with another friend (who truly is a friend and not a psuedo-friend), and countless other quick conversations that show that my experience was the weird one. And that maybe I just need to trust my instinct more.
Anyone up for 8 minute dating? Let's ask Captain Kurt...
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
The Harrowing Journey Home
What a bizarre day! I started this morning by going to a store to buy frames, at which point I lost all ability to make a decision and called my boss to ask her what she thought. They didn't really have what she wanted. So, I bought a nice frame, without a matt, thinking that the guy at work wanted to do his own. But, there was a nagging sense that I should have bought a back-up with the matt. After making my purchases, I walked quickly to the bread shop to get a bagel and coffee. I think that I overloaded on sugar. They have this wonderful cinnamon sugar bagel.
I have a pet peeve about places that are not really bagel places. The way to tell that a place is NOT really a bagel shop (or that they really just don't understand my needs) is that they give me a pre-cut bagel with the cream cheese on the side. This really makes NO sense to me at all, particularly when my bagel is ordered "to go". I mean, do they expect me to slather my bagel with cream cheese while I walk or in the car? It just does not make sense. Of course, the downside to the REAL bagel shop is that they consistently put too much cream cheese on my bagel. I have a tablespoon of cream cheese stuck in the hole, which is really too much to handle. So, I scrape it off on the paper and hope that the paper does not fly away as I drive...
Then I got to work and of course, the guy said that people normally buy one with a matt and we discussed the situation, with me saying that I would buy another frame and bring it in tomorrow. But, then he said that he would get a matt. At that point, I let it lay and went to my desk. The requests we instantaneous. I went throughout my day...
fast forward to lunch. BEAUTIFUL!!! I walk down the street and get a greek salad with chicken. It is all too salty, but I enjoy my sweet (too sweet, again) tea while sitting outside, text a few people, have a slightly surprising phone call with a friend, and go back to work.
fast forward to leaving, I leave the parking garage after trying my stumbling Swahili on the cashier. I have only just discovered that he is Kenyan yesterday and pieces of the language fall out of my mouth. Not a graceful fall, more of a stumble. I mix my words up and mumble. Of course, Spanish invades my brain. Then I exit, I turn left, turn right, turn right, avoid a stupid car, go down two blocks, avoid ANOTHER stupid car, turn right. Meandering down the street. I find myself to my turn again, this time to the left. I am in the second turn/straight lane in. The vehicle to my left, in a left turning lane ONLY, decides that the does not like that direction and speeds forward just as I am about to turn left. Inches from my car. I slam on my breaks and yell "shit" really loudly into my friend's ear and yet thanking God that I noticed that the car was not turning. Just for the record, I had my blinker on (don't you like the word "indicator" better than "blinker"?). Continued home. Just as I am getting on the parkway, I notice that a car is pulled over to the left and that the police officer is standing at his car, I encourage the brakes to slow me down, although I am not going very fast and I am in the far right lane. As I slow down, the car on my right speeds up and we watch the police officer wave him in. I always have wondered about that...how do you know that they are waving you to the side and is it not more dangerous to be slowing down in the middle lane and getting one lane over to stop. It seems far more dangerous than going 10 miles over the speed limit. I'm just not sure about the techniques of such operations.
Truly, I was getting a little anxious by that point, so much that I mised my exit down the road, had to go over a bridge and get back on before a toll road. I think that's when I noticed that I was not paying attention. My mystical inclinations lead me to think that all of these near misses are God trying to get my attention. Of course, the fact that I avoided the potential accidents might speak to the fact that I was aware. But, I slowed down none the less and thought more clearly as I went home. I talked to myself, as one does, about a variety of things-potential new friends, crazy drivers, what I need to do when I get home...what might I blog....
I have a pet peeve about places that are not really bagel places. The way to tell that a place is NOT really a bagel shop (or that they really just don't understand my needs) is that they give me a pre-cut bagel with the cream cheese on the side. This really makes NO sense to me at all, particularly when my bagel is ordered "to go". I mean, do they expect me to slather my bagel with cream cheese while I walk or in the car? It just does not make sense. Of course, the downside to the REAL bagel shop is that they consistently put too much cream cheese on my bagel. I have a tablespoon of cream cheese stuck in the hole, which is really too much to handle. So, I scrape it off on the paper and hope that the paper does not fly away as I drive...
Then I got to work and of course, the guy said that people normally buy one with a matt and we discussed the situation, with me saying that I would buy another frame and bring it in tomorrow. But, then he said that he would get a matt. At that point, I let it lay and went to my desk. The requests we instantaneous. I went throughout my day...
fast forward to lunch. BEAUTIFUL!!! I walk down the street and get a greek salad with chicken. It is all too salty, but I enjoy my sweet (too sweet, again) tea while sitting outside, text a few people, have a slightly surprising phone call with a friend, and go back to work.
fast forward to leaving, I leave the parking garage after trying my stumbling Swahili on the cashier. I have only just discovered that he is Kenyan yesterday and pieces of the language fall out of my mouth. Not a graceful fall, more of a stumble. I mix my words up and mumble. Of course, Spanish invades my brain. Then I exit, I turn left, turn right, turn right, avoid a stupid car, go down two blocks, avoid ANOTHER stupid car, turn right. Meandering down the street. I find myself to my turn again, this time to the left. I am in the second turn/straight lane in. The vehicle to my left, in a left turning lane ONLY, decides that the does not like that direction and speeds forward just as I am about to turn left. Inches from my car. I slam on my breaks and yell "shit" really loudly into my friend's ear and yet thanking God that I noticed that the car was not turning. Just for the record, I had my blinker on (don't you like the word "indicator" better than "blinker"?). Continued home. Just as I am getting on the parkway, I notice that a car is pulled over to the left and that the police officer is standing at his car, I encourage the brakes to slow me down, although I am not going very fast and I am in the far right lane. As I slow down, the car on my right speeds up and we watch the police officer wave him in. I always have wondered about that...how do you know that they are waving you to the side and is it not more dangerous to be slowing down in the middle lane and getting one lane over to stop. It seems far more dangerous than going 10 miles over the speed limit. I'm just not sure about the techniques of such operations.
Truly, I was getting a little anxious by that point, so much that I mised my exit down the road, had to go over a bridge and get back on before a toll road. I think that's when I noticed that I was not paying attention. My mystical inclinations lead me to think that all of these near misses are God trying to get my attention. Of course, the fact that I avoided the potential accidents might speak to the fact that I was aware. But, I slowed down none the less and thought more clearly as I went home. I talked to myself, as one does, about a variety of things-potential new friends, crazy drivers, what I need to do when I get home...what might I blog....
Friday, March 09, 2007
Can't get to sleep or "why do I have a headache?"
I get into these little frenzies of doing things on the internet. Tonight, I created a myspace account, which you can find easily, I think. I chatted with my friend Katie, who has an adorable boyfriend. I invited my bro-in-law to myspace account. I found out that Imago Dei is having Taize services for lent-but they have a lecture.
I had a conference call with the regional guy for Wycliffe-they'll have a banquet out here in April. I love Wycliffe. I want everyone to have the opportunity to have the Bible in their language. We have so much "Christian literature" and yet so many westerners are Biblically illiterate...and yet are we so narcissistic that we wallow and do nothing...ok, so not so great musings...I get a little cranky when I think about this stuff. I should do more. Goodnight!
I had a conference call with the regional guy for Wycliffe-they'll have a banquet out here in April. I love Wycliffe. I want everyone to have the opportunity to have the Bible in their language. We have so much "Christian literature" and yet so many westerners are Biblically illiterate...and yet are we so narcissistic that we wallow and do nothing...ok, so not so great musings...I get a little cranky when I think about this stuff. I should do more. Goodnight!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Peter Bjorn and John
I could have sworn I heard a girl in the "Young Folks" track so I spent about 3 minutes looking for "Peter Bjorn and Jean" before I remembered that it had to be on a WTMD playlist. I really like their sound. And no shit, they have a sitar version of "Young Folks" but it sounds more like a dance remix for the little bit I could listen on Amazon. I think this might be the next CD I buy. Next I'll start reviewing music... their sound ranges from 60's doors to duran duran's sound in the 80's. Ok not a great review, but I only listened to seconds from the songs they don't play on the radio-just wait for the full version of my review...
A breather
Normally, my schedule is full. I really try to space out activities, but last Saturday I found myself running to pottery, then to coffee and then to my book group, finally winding up back home. I left the house at 9:15 s.m. and returned around 6:00 p.m. A little too much for me. By Sunday I was grumpy and hitting the wall. I managed my meeting at church and that was it. However, being the adventurous person that I am, I found it perfectly suitable to go grocery shopping in the ever increasing snow. Then I went out with a friend for lunch and a movie, both enjoyable activities and fairly relaxing. I needed sleep, though.
I've been working on the sleep for a couple of days now and my mood has improved. It got worse Monday night, as I clanged around the kitchen cleaning in expectation of my mother and sister's return. Expressing my displeasure with the state of the world as I banged down dishes, swore under my breath, and expressed exasperations into the air. It's funny how I can be gripped with such an attitude. I try desperately to hide such railings in my life from other people, particularly my friends, and yet I am writing about it on the internet with two of my closest friends comprising my main readership. I find this medium freeing, but sometimes false. Is it really 'me' writing or a persona that I have created? Can I only express this side of myself because I have the barrier of letters, internet, the screen? Do we all keep up fences to some extent and that is good, or can we truly know and be ok with someone?
Man, I'll start writing about love and identity again if I don't watch out. I have been reading a little bit about identity, or image/icon, tonight in "The Orthodox Church" by Timothy Ware. Maybe I have mentioned this before, but I have been reading it for about a year or so-maybe more "so" than anything else. I remember reading it in my old house-so, more than a year (tangent, oh, I remember the blue of that room, lovingly painted in stripes, like the inside of a Tiffany box. someday I want another Yarmouth blue room, but I want a view of the water, too). Anyway, the orthodox view of man as the image bearer of God is quite fascinating and articulates ideas that I have only lesser words at disposal. Basically, with the little understanding that I have, Adam was not a super perfect human (all wise and knowledgeable) which I think the Biblical account supports, but an innocent and simple human. He did not fall from great superiority to wretched evil, but is separated from God. Likewise, humanity is not guilt ridden, but full of much potential, however separated we are from God. We have a choice- to have restitution with God through Jesus, or remain separated. This life, I believe, cannot offer full separation, though, as God is over all and through all, and however horrid this world can be, his grace carries us. Well, those are just some of my thoughts for the evening ramble...Oh right, but there is a little more, so humans have free will and although they are made in the image of God are also being conformed to "his likeness" (if one so chooses) which is the ongoing process. Different streams of the faith have different words: sanctification, becoming like Jesus, being transformed. But the end is glorious, even if the path is painful. There was another thought somewhere in all of that-about life as a living sacrifice-and not cushy, but I forgot.
I've been working on the sleep for a couple of days now and my mood has improved. It got worse Monday night, as I clanged around the kitchen cleaning in expectation of my mother and sister's return. Expressing my displeasure with the state of the world as I banged down dishes, swore under my breath, and expressed exasperations into the air. It's funny how I can be gripped with such an attitude. I try desperately to hide such railings in my life from other people, particularly my friends, and yet I am writing about it on the internet with two of my closest friends comprising my main readership. I find this medium freeing, but sometimes false. Is it really 'me' writing or a persona that I have created? Can I only express this side of myself because I have the barrier of letters, internet, the screen? Do we all keep up fences to some extent and that is good, or can we truly know and be ok with someone?
Man, I'll start writing about love and identity again if I don't watch out. I have been reading a little bit about identity, or image/icon, tonight in "The Orthodox Church" by Timothy Ware. Maybe I have mentioned this before, but I have been reading it for about a year or so-maybe more "so" than anything else. I remember reading it in my old house-so, more than a year (tangent, oh, I remember the blue of that room, lovingly painted in stripes, like the inside of a Tiffany box. someday I want another Yarmouth blue room, but I want a view of the water, too). Anyway, the orthodox view of man as the image bearer of God is quite fascinating and articulates ideas that I have only lesser words at disposal. Basically, with the little understanding that I have, Adam was not a super perfect human (all wise and knowledgeable) which I think the Biblical account supports, but an innocent and simple human. He did not fall from great superiority to wretched evil, but is separated from God. Likewise, humanity is not guilt ridden, but full of much potential, however separated we are from God. We have a choice- to have restitution with God through Jesus, or remain separated. This life, I believe, cannot offer full separation, though, as God is over all and through all, and however horrid this world can be, his grace carries us. Well, those are just some of my thoughts for the evening ramble...Oh right, but there is a little more, so humans have free will and although they are made in the image of God are also being conformed to "his likeness" (if one so chooses) which is the ongoing process. Different streams of the faith have different words: sanctification, becoming like Jesus, being transformed. But the end is glorious, even if the path is painful. There was another thought somewhere in all of that-about life as a living sacrifice-and not cushy, but I forgot.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Identity
OK, I wrote this a while back, but felt that I was on a tirade. But, given my last post, I thought I would throw it in. Maybe my next posts will be more fun...some thoughts on music perhaps or Daisy Miller.
I wish that anonymous would have responded to the stream on identity last time...I'm sure that Sarah and I didn't mean to bite your head off on that point.
Anyways, I thought that I would write a bit more about what I thought about identity. I can't say that I am satisfied with different identities. I want to truly be. I have to hope and believe that people will like me and even love me as I am. To learn to express myself and act out of my true heart, rather than confirm to someone's expectations of me.
I think that we all take roles in life-please correct me if I am wrong. My mom says that I was born an adult. I'm not sure that I understand everything that she means by that. However, I was fascinated by the world of adulthood at very young age. Maybe it was because I was surrounded by adults. I was the first child of my parents, first grandchild and first great-grandchild on one side my mom's side of the family. I think that I had something that resembled a suit before I was 10. I felt motherly duties (ack!! maybe I was motherly in my bandage application) toward my two youngest siblings. I made "life decisions" at the age of 3 1/2. OK, I clearly have an over-developed sense of responsibility and self-importance which probably has kept me going in certain circumstances. It's probably served me well, but maybe it has also led to unjust anxiety. I can feel myself getting tense just writing about all of this.
So, my "identity" was caught up in all this-what I "should" be doing. How I should behave rather than what I truly wanted. Hands down, I know that I am at a place still, where I will compromise my personal desires in return for maintaining a relationship. Part of this has to do with theology that I have been taught. "God requires the sacrifce of our desires and wants in order to have a relationship with him." There is some truth in this statement, I believe, as well as some very erroneous thought and and results. First, it's a "me" centered statement. God required sacrifice of himself to have a relationship with me. He did what I could not. Secondly, he knows me better than I know myself and wants me to become whole (some say "restored to his image"). I completely believe that becoming like Christ is becoming who really are. One of my friends talked about a desire to be transformed by Jesus. It's not just a dull march of sanctification that turns us into dour faced moralists, frowning on the externals but lacking the joy of life inside. It's abundant life-overflowing life that we are promised with Jesus. Becoming our true selves...truly living, is part of that same journey. It's freedom. It's grace for myself. So, instead my identity being caught up as post-modern, post-evangelical, skeptical of big churches and just wanting a little peace Christian...I might actually become more loving, patient, kind, perserving, grateful, gentle, self-controlled.
Self-control is a weird thing. It's so easy to tip into legalism and think that we are being self-controlled. It seems to me that whenever we start to think that we are better than others because of our morality, we have fallen prey to pride and legalism. Self-control allows me to love you better, not judge.
That's all I've got to say tonight.
I wish that anonymous would have responded to the stream on identity last time...I'm sure that Sarah and I didn't mean to bite your head off on that point.
Anyways, I thought that I would write a bit more about what I thought about identity. I can't say that I am satisfied with different identities. I want to truly be. I have to hope and believe that people will like me and even love me as I am. To learn to express myself and act out of my true heart, rather than confirm to someone's expectations of me.
I think that we all take roles in life-please correct me if I am wrong. My mom says that I was born an adult. I'm not sure that I understand everything that she means by that. However, I was fascinated by the world of adulthood at very young age. Maybe it was because I was surrounded by adults. I was the first child of my parents, first grandchild and first great-grandchild on one side my mom's side of the family. I think that I had something that resembled a suit before I was 10. I felt motherly duties (ack!! maybe I was motherly in my bandage application) toward my two youngest siblings. I made "life decisions" at the age of 3 1/2. OK, I clearly have an over-developed sense of responsibility and self-importance which probably has kept me going in certain circumstances. It's probably served me well, but maybe it has also led to unjust anxiety. I can feel myself getting tense just writing about all of this.
So, my "identity" was caught up in all this-what I "should" be doing. How I should behave rather than what I truly wanted. Hands down, I know that I am at a place still, where I will compromise my personal desires in return for maintaining a relationship. Part of this has to do with theology that I have been taught. "God requires the sacrifce of our desires and wants in order to have a relationship with him." There is some truth in this statement, I believe, as well as some very erroneous thought and and results. First, it's a "me" centered statement. God required sacrifice of himself to have a relationship with me. He did what I could not. Secondly, he knows me better than I know myself and wants me to become whole (some say "restored to his image"). I completely believe that becoming like Christ is becoming who really are. One of my friends talked about a desire to be transformed by Jesus. It's not just a dull march of sanctification that turns us into dour faced moralists, frowning on the externals but lacking the joy of life inside. It's abundant life-overflowing life that we are promised with Jesus. Becoming our true selves...truly living, is part of that same journey. It's freedom. It's grace for myself. So, instead my identity being caught up as post-modern, post-evangelical, skeptical of big churches and just wanting a little peace Christian...I might actually become more loving, patient, kind, perserving, grateful, gentle, self-controlled.
Self-control is a weird thing. It's so easy to tip into legalism and think that we are being self-controlled. It seems to me that whenever we start to think that we are better than others because of our morality, we have fallen prey to pride and legalism. Self-control allows me to love you better, not judge.
That's all I've got to say tonight.
Some thoughts from a while ago...
When my brain is clear, the car is the perfect time to sort out my next blog. I can think in the care because the distractions are relatively few, even with the radio on. I realize that this might be disconcerting for those that share road space with me (don't worry, I'm not writing this in the car-I'm on the train). It probably should be.
An amusing story along those same lines-my dad says that he was pulled over and ticketed for thinking. Of course, he was pulled over and ticketed for speeding. However, he was speeding because he was not paying attention to the road. He was thinking. Inevitably solving some technical conundrum-Eureka! I'm pretty sure that he was also talking to himself, too. It's become a rather bad habit in my family, which makes other people wonder about our sanity. Really, though, it is just verbal processing. Many people verbally process with other people...sometimes it's called gossip. Or, as with my dad, he verbally processes audibly with himself. Sometimes Q & A going back and forth. This is probably easier for him than talking to other people, he doesn't like a lot of other people very much and most people have no idea what he is talking about anyways (what silicon rods connected to each other-how exciting!!).
I find that I also talk to myself...at least I am aware that I do this.
I was going to write about something else. I do this a lot. But, I was going to write more about identity. We've touched on this before...maybe another day.
An amusing story along those same lines-my dad says that he was pulled over and ticketed for thinking. Of course, he was pulled over and ticketed for speeding. However, he was speeding because he was not paying attention to the road. He was thinking. Inevitably solving some technical conundrum-Eureka! I'm pretty sure that he was also talking to himself, too. It's become a rather bad habit in my family, which makes other people wonder about our sanity. Really, though, it is just verbal processing. Many people verbally process with other people...sometimes it's called gossip. Or, as with my dad, he verbally processes audibly with himself. Sometimes Q & A going back and forth. This is probably easier for him than talking to other people, he doesn't like a lot of other people very much and most people have no idea what he is talking about anyways (what silicon rods connected to each other-how exciting!!).
I find that I also talk to myself...at least I am aware that I do this.
I was going to write about something else. I do this a lot. But, I was going to write more about identity. We've touched on this before...maybe another day.
Bad Valentine's Day ideas
I'm on this list serve for One World New York. One World hosts non-profit happy hours with LIRS in B'more sometimes. Normally, I like the information and ideas that I get from them, but not for Valentine's Day. I'm really a traditionalist when it comes to some things...namely being wooed. I LOVE fresh flowers (although I have a hierarchy of flowers) so I found the following message in my inbox to fly in the face of all things beautiful about Valentine's day:
Just to top it off...I'm not going out with a guy for V-day. I'm hanging with the girls as a testimony that true love is not limited to romantic love...but that's another blog that perhaps is not so vacuous.
From: OneWorld.net [mailto:oneworlddc@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 06, 2007 4:54 PM
To: owny@lists.us.oneworld.net
Subject: [owny] Forget Roses-Get Creative This V-Day!
Forget Roses-Get Creative This V-Day!
You know your loved one really doesn't need
another bouquet of roses this Valentine's Day.
Are you trying to think of an original and socially
conscious gift for them? How about a llama,
donated in their name to a family in Ecuador?
Or a fair trade gift like soapstone heart boxes
from Kenya? Stand out from the crowd and give
your loved one a gift that will truly make a difference.
The OneWorld Gift Guide helps you find fair trade
jewelry, crafts, and other items as well as find
causes that you can help your loved one support.
start your search!
Just to top it off...I'm not going out with a guy for V-day. I'm hanging with the girls as a testimony that true love is not limited to romantic love...but that's another blog that perhaps is not so vacuous.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Attack of the tuna fish can!
Some people can whip up a gourmet dinner in an hour...with the food already in their fridge. I have found that men are not normally in this category of people. Tonight, I ate the best tuna fish sandwich ever, though. Maybe it was the white toasted bread...I don't know. Anyways, I was at my friend's house and we realized it was rather a little past our normal dinner time. We thought about pizza, but that would take to long to arrive, although we would have to leave the couch once to accomplish our task of obtaining sustenance.
But, we settled on tuna. I don't know if my friend was just trying to make me feel useful or trying to distract me from videotaping him on my phone preparing tuna sandwiches, but he needed my burliness to peel the tops off the tuna cans. It seems however, that I should have also dumped the tuna in the bowl and disposed of the cans without him ever touching them, because he cut himself. And then blamed me for the blood on his finger, thinking that I had cut myself (which was a little more likelier considering that my hands were dry from my pottery class). That was not the case...he bled on me. I would have freaked out had it been any other person (other than immediate family members). So, of course, then I had to make the tuna while he cleaned the wound...then I had to put the band-aid on...he said I was motherly which I shut down immediately. Nurturing is a good thing...motherly I will leave to the real mothers!
And so I made excellent tuna sandwiches, which we both laughed about. He thought it was the worst meal that he had made for me...hotdogs when we broke up were worst, I told him. All that being said, they were good tuna sandwiches and it's really all about who you are with anyway. I would rather eat the simplest food with the right company than the best food in the world with people I don't care for. It's as simple as that. And don't worry, he's on the mend.
But, we settled on tuna. I don't know if my friend was just trying to make me feel useful or trying to distract me from videotaping him on my phone preparing tuna sandwiches, but he needed my burliness to peel the tops off the tuna cans. It seems however, that I should have also dumped the tuna in the bowl and disposed of the cans without him ever touching them, because he cut himself. And then blamed me for the blood on his finger, thinking that I had cut myself (which was a little more likelier considering that my hands were dry from my pottery class). That was not the case...he bled on me. I would have freaked out had it been any other person (other than immediate family members). So, of course, then I had to make the tuna while he cleaned the wound...then I had to put the band-aid on...he said I was motherly which I shut down immediately. Nurturing is a good thing...motherly I will leave to the real mothers!
And so I made excellent tuna sandwiches, which we both laughed about. He thought it was the worst meal that he had made for me...hotdogs when we broke up were worst, I told him. All that being said, they were good tuna sandwiches and it's really all about who you are with anyway. I would rather eat the simplest food with the right company than the best food in the world with people I don't care for. It's as simple as that. And don't worry, he's on the mend.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Too many things
I've been too busy to blog...I just want a night at home so that I can blog, drink some wine and catch up on my e-mails, phone calls and researching random artsy-fartsy things on the web.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
THE conversation
I'm not sure if the title triggers any thoughts in your mind, but, if you have spent any time with researching, reading or immersing yourself with the "emergent church" then maybe it means something to you. Emergents are very concerned with the idea of conversation. Adding to the conversation, is one who often a part of it, Scot McKnight. The place: the newest issue of Christianity Today in the article, "Five Streams of the Emerging Church". I have gained a respect for Christianity Today as I subscribed on a whim, really. It sounds like such a bastion of evangelicals/fundies who elected Bush, or the people who leave social justice at the door while trying to harvest souls. Now, there is much more to be said about "these people" that I am stereotyping unjustly, I'm sure. However, I have not found CT to necessarily be a part of that demographic. Certainly, they are evangelical (Billy Graham founded the magazine) but more in the sense that World Relief is evangelical. Maybe it wasn't like this in the past...I don't know. What I do know is that I have been greatly refreshed.
And today was particularly encouraging. I won't go into the article in detail because it is a rather short read and a synopsis in itself. However, I think that it provided a good overview of the emerging church, identifying key elements and connections to classic Christianity as well as recent movements in the last few decades that have similarities (similarities that I have found myself when I talk to my parents about the charismatic movement in the 60's and 70's). Of course, this article would also not be scathing, because it is by an insider. Anthropoligically speaking, it is hard for an insider to describe their own culture, but I think that McKnight does it well. It is also difficult for an outsider to understand a culture, which I have found are the severe downfalls of critiques of the emerging church as written in Modern Reformation. Additionally, "outsiders" tend to focus on the celebrity of a movement, when this movement is somewhat anti-celebrity (or maybe everybody gets to be a celebrity with a blog). Or atleast, we like to think so...although who in the DC area has not visited Cedar Ridge Community Church or heard Jim Wallis speak? The emerging church is certainly messy; so was the first century church it seems, particularly with Paul and Peter quarrelling. But, the Holy Spirit worked there and He (She?) is working here, too.
All that being said, I think that I can affirm again that I resonate with the emerging church (and it so much easier than saying "post-evangelical"-a term coined by Dave Tomlinson, check out the book or I think there is an American version co-authored with Dallas Willard). I believe that there is such a strong connection between what we believe/say and do...and integrating our lives is a worthy journey to embark on.
And today was particularly encouraging. I won't go into the article in detail because it is a rather short read and a synopsis in itself. However, I think that it provided a good overview of the emerging church, identifying key elements and connections to classic Christianity as well as recent movements in the last few decades that have similarities (similarities that I have found myself when I talk to my parents about the charismatic movement in the 60's and 70's). Of course, this article would also not be scathing, because it is by an insider. Anthropoligically speaking, it is hard for an insider to describe their own culture, but I think that McKnight does it well. It is also difficult for an outsider to understand a culture, which I have found are the severe downfalls of critiques of the emerging church as written in Modern Reformation. Additionally, "outsiders" tend to focus on the celebrity of a movement, when this movement is somewhat anti-celebrity (or maybe everybody gets to be a celebrity with a blog). Or atleast, we like to think so...although who in the DC area has not visited Cedar Ridge Community Church or heard Jim Wallis speak? The emerging church is certainly messy; so was the first century church it seems, particularly with Paul and Peter quarrelling. But, the Holy Spirit worked there and He (She?) is working here, too.
All that being said, I think that I can affirm again that I resonate with the emerging church (and it so much easier than saying "post-evangelical"-a term coined by Dave Tomlinson, check out the book or I think there is an American version co-authored with Dallas Willard). I believe that there is such a strong connection between what we believe/say and do...and integrating our lives is a worthy journey to embark on.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
A couple of sobering thoughts
OK...I am not as democratic as I thought because I have not fulfilled my promise of letting the readers choose the topic. I'm waiting for one more vote. In the meantime, as I have just eaten a rather yummy meal and spent a good portion of the last hour or so talking with my masseuse about nutrition (I have deficiencies in protein or protein absorption).
Why is it so hard to get nutritious food? In the nation of plenty, we eat under nutritious food. Last year, both Sojourners and Ode dedicated a whole magazine to food. There were interesting stories: dumpster divers, organic Walmart, the cost of fuel to pick up your locally grown food, etc. My masseuse and I talked about putting good things in our bodies and how MSG is hidden in many foods at almost all restaurants.
It is hard to get nutritious food in other parts of the world. Today, I sat in a meeting learning about my organization's new Agricultural sector. It was fascinating. I have been fascinated with growing food since I was a child, as much of our produce (at least in my memory) came from our organic garden or our relatives' gardens. I mean, who else has an asparagus patch in their yard? Granted, it took quite a lot for my dad to give me a piece of soil to grow flowers, since they were not edible. He gets a little caught up in the functional when I want to create a land of beauty. But, this legacy continues in my life; I wrote my Community Organization and Development paper on city gardens; I grew herbs in almost all of my college living spaces and a few in one of my housemates' gardens. I love things that grow and tending to them. A connection to the earth makes me feel more centered and considerate. Maybe it is the nurturer in me.
I just read an interesting article, by one of the attendees at Urbana 06 which you can read here. It reminds me to be grateful for the food that I have and also not to waste. I waste all the time. It is true. I feel guilty many times...except that I would rather those calories be in the trash than on my hips. I feel guilty when I split meals, too, like I am gipping the waiter. Oh the ethical conundrums of modern life. I always feel good when I put scraps into the compost containers on our container (that my mother hates) or the bin in the yard, burying it under leaves and "dry" material. I am sure that there are downsides to this as well, but I want to stick with something that makes me feel good for a little while....
Why is it so hard to get nutritious food? In the nation of plenty, we eat under nutritious food. Last year, both Sojourners and Ode dedicated a whole magazine to food. There were interesting stories: dumpster divers, organic Walmart, the cost of fuel to pick up your locally grown food, etc. My masseuse and I talked about putting good things in our bodies and how MSG is hidden in many foods at almost all restaurants.
It is hard to get nutritious food in other parts of the world. Today, I sat in a meeting learning about my organization's new Agricultural sector. It was fascinating. I have been fascinated with growing food since I was a child, as much of our produce (at least in my memory) came from our organic garden or our relatives' gardens. I mean, who else has an asparagus patch in their yard? Granted, it took quite a lot for my dad to give me a piece of soil to grow flowers, since they were not edible. He gets a little caught up in the functional when I want to create a land of beauty. But, this legacy continues in my life; I wrote my Community Organization and Development paper on city gardens; I grew herbs in almost all of my college living spaces and a few in one of my housemates' gardens. I love things that grow and tending to them. A connection to the earth makes me feel more centered and considerate. Maybe it is the nurturer in me.
I just read an interesting article, by one of the attendees at Urbana 06 which you can read here. It reminds me to be grateful for the food that I have and also not to waste. I waste all the time. It is true. I feel guilty many times...except that I would rather those calories be in the trash than on my hips. I feel guilty when I split meals, too, like I am gipping the waiter. Oh the ethical conundrums of modern life. I always feel good when I put scraps into the compost containers on our container (that my mother hates) or the bin in the yard, burying it under leaves and "dry" material. I am sure that there are downsides to this as well, but I want to stick with something that makes me feel good for a little while....
Monday, January 29, 2007
Donald Miller comes to Houghton
OK-since I haven't received two votes yet, I get to go my own way. I just found out that Donald Miller is going to be speaking at Houghton on Monday....Maybe I could find a husband at Houghton after all...my dreams of ring by spring could come true...if only...but given that Donald was not overly impressed with the last time that we met and I tore up the letter that my writer friend encouraged me to write...I do not think that my dreams will come true. And I have kind of figured out that writers, men in particular, do not seem to be the more interactive of personalities. Maybe that is why they right-they can't say it all in person. Of course, I do enjoy hearing Donald Miller speak, like at Grove City a while back (and I enjoyed all the giggling and the joy of the road trip with my sister's best friends).
Oh well, Houghton girls, give it your best try...maybe one of you will catch the eye of the elusive Donald Miller...but probably not when you are bundled up in the sub-zero weather. Then again...maybe we should just read Miller's writing and go find our own elusive shy men to engage...hopefully none of them will hold us while thinking of the women they love....
Oh well, Houghton girls, give it your best try...maybe one of you will catch the eye of the elusive Donald Miller...but probably not when you are bundled up in the sub-zero weather. Then again...maybe we should just read Miller's writing and go find our own elusive shy men to engage...hopefully none of them will hold us while thinking of the women they love....
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Survey says...
Because I am an interactive person, I have chosen to let the audience choose the next topic of the blog (in the meantime, I am fomenting thoughts on all):
1) Sex
2) Drunkeness or something like it (and no it was not the 3 glasses of wine last night. They were bubbly but not very alcoholic)
3) Carbon emissions
I need two votes on a decided topic.
1) Sex
2) Drunkeness or something like it (and no it was not the 3 glasses of wine last night. They were bubbly but not very alcoholic)
3) Carbon emissions
I need two votes on a decided topic.
Love
I have been thinking about the nature of love lately. A couple of weeks ago a I thought I was "falling in love". I think that it was probably something less noble. I remember these little cartoons when I was a child. My grandmother had a collection of them-or at least they are someway connected to her. "Love is..." with these two little people who really didn't look like they were wearing clothes, per se, but neither were they exposing themselves. Very odd on second thought.
Anyways, I have found lately that I have a profound sense of acceptance for some people. Maybe I am truly starting to love them. It's not that their flaws have disappeared or that they have changed. It's more like I almost cannot truly comment on them, because I am blinded in some way by my love and appreciation for them. It's quite astounding, I can assure you, for a person who (at least in the past) has constantly seen room for improvement. Primarily for myself, but I sort of thrive on change and improving myself and something we like to call "sanctification". I like seeing people progress on a path.
But, lately, I find myself accepting myself more. Being ok with where I am. Being ok with other people. Loving their idiosencrasies (I need help spelling). Saying, "eh, it's ok" or "what do you mean, they are like what?" (little conversations in my head). Does loving myself and accepting God's love really start to help me really love other people?? This is transformational. I mean, I still want good and better situations for my friends...I encourage their path. But, I am not as anxious for myself and others. I'm accepting the providence of God, trusting him. It is all so very weird. Peace. or at least something that tastes like it. Kind of like communion wafers.
Anyways, I have found lately that I have a profound sense of acceptance for some people. Maybe I am truly starting to love them. It's not that their flaws have disappeared or that they have changed. It's more like I almost cannot truly comment on them, because I am blinded in some way by my love and appreciation for them. It's quite astounding, I can assure you, for a person who (at least in the past) has constantly seen room for improvement. Primarily for myself, but I sort of thrive on change and improving myself and something we like to call "sanctification". I like seeing people progress on a path.
But, lately, I find myself accepting myself more. Being ok with where I am. Being ok with other people. Loving their idiosencrasies (I need help spelling). Saying, "eh, it's ok" or "what do you mean, they are like what?" (little conversations in my head). Does loving myself and accepting God's love really start to help me really love other people?? This is transformational. I mean, I still want good and better situations for my friends...I encourage their path. But, I am not as anxious for myself and others. I'm accepting the providence of God, trusting him. It is all so very weird. Peace. or at least something that tastes like it. Kind of like communion wafers.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Friends
I just had dinner with a woman who was a fellow participant in a Bible Study about a year and a half ago. I am amazed by the ability for people who "click" to "click". We talked about real things-faith, church, Jesus, non-profit work, relationships, fellowship, immigration, refugees, etc. And she made me a great meal. It was great!
And then I came home to have a spat with my father-oh well. I suppose you have to enjoy the good things and let the other things fall off like water. I better go apologize-even if it's not really my "fault". I can't stand relational discord (don't let the sun go down on your anger).
And then I came home to have a spat with my father-oh well. I suppose you have to enjoy the good things and let the other things fall off like water. I better go apologize-even if it's not really my "fault". I can't stand relational discord (don't let the sun go down on your anger).
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Traipsing about in the woods
I am sad to say that I did not service mankind directly on the celebration of Martin Luther Kings, Jr's birth. However, I did take the opportunity to enjoy the bizarre weather that we were having. I dusted off the cobwebs on my hiking boots (although river sandals would have done in a pinch), threw on jeans and a T-shirt and headed out with my friend to scour the wilds of a local park (largely domesticated with a dog playground and such). I brought all of the usual items that you might need for a quick walk-waterproof breathable, bulging wallet, cell phone (just in case the friend passed out and I needed to call 911 because my wilderness survival skills are not up to date. It was on vibrate, though), huge water bottle, lactase enzyme (you never know when milk might attack), Burt's Bees lip balm, camera, camera battery, extra film, river sandals in case I wanted them when I got back, light sweater.... I think that's it. Needless to say, I left some of this in the car. I think my friend thought we were heading for the real backwoods.
I have been to this park before. Several times in fact and I generally walk along the paths that are set-the asphalted ones. But, the more that I traverse this park, the more that I see there are other paths. Some barely discernable in the fallen leaves but with my keen Cherokee sense of tracking, I pick them out. And sometimes the tree limbs and thorns and mud pick me out. Some of these "paths" run straight to the cliffs (otherwise known as 10 foot falls due to erosion).
We found some pretty cool things. I spotted (or maybe he did) a capsized boat and we actually found our way there eventually. There were lots of ducks in this one inlet. It was very peaceful there, except for the "leaf-blower" in the distance (??). There is something about just watching the water that rejuvenates me. At this point in my life, I have a very hard time considering living very far from the water. Most places that I have lived since I was about 11 have been near the water. My house has never been on the water, but I have been minutes from large rivers or estuaries (I just love saying that word). I'm a costal chick. When I think about moving, particularly to somewhere flat, I feel clausterphobic. Just one of my minor nueroses.
But, this park was great.
Then, we went to Annapolis for lunch and stroll, peeking along the way into gardens, the Naval Academy, various places. I would love to get married (if the blessed event were ever bestowed on me) at the Paca House Gardens. LOVE. or a conservatory. Or a decrepit abbey like St. Andrews in Scotland (I think that was St. Andrews...not quite sure but it was beautifully destroyed with vibrant green lawns).
I have rather domestic fantasies these days. Not even like biological clock ones indicating that I want babies. Domestic. Like houses and gardens and community. It is very bizarre. I think that is because I work in the city. I now understand why people who work in cities need country homes. They need them for sanities' sake. Of course, we could bring the country into the city. Not by decorating in the psuedo-country style (yuck, ruffled curtains) but developing spaces for gardens and redeeming them. I love redemption of anything. It is the meta-narrative that I most identify with. Reminds me that I can make a mess of life and it can still be redeemed, made beautiful.
But, oh yeah, city gardens are a good thing...I think that I wrote a paper about them in college for Community Org and Development.
So, back to my day. It was rather marvelous. Restorative views, marvelous company, good physical exertion. I felt embraced by the world.
Is this too sweet to leave things at? We'll pretend the ending really was this good. Maybe it is if I believe it. ;)
I have been to this park before. Several times in fact and I generally walk along the paths that are set-the asphalted ones. But, the more that I traverse this park, the more that I see there are other paths. Some barely discernable in the fallen leaves but with my keen Cherokee sense of tracking, I pick them out. And sometimes the tree limbs and thorns and mud pick me out. Some of these "paths" run straight to the cliffs (otherwise known as 10 foot falls due to erosion).
We found some pretty cool things. I spotted (or maybe he did) a capsized boat and we actually found our way there eventually. There were lots of ducks in this one inlet. It was very peaceful there, except for the "leaf-blower" in the distance (??). There is something about just watching the water that rejuvenates me. At this point in my life, I have a very hard time considering living very far from the water. Most places that I have lived since I was about 11 have been near the water. My house has never been on the water, but I have been minutes from large rivers or estuaries (I just love saying that word). I'm a costal chick. When I think about moving, particularly to somewhere flat, I feel clausterphobic. Just one of my minor nueroses.
But, this park was great.
Then, we went to Annapolis for lunch and stroll, peeking along the way into gardens, the Naval Academy, various places. I would love to get married (if the blessed event were ever bestowed on me) at the Paca House Gardens. LOVE. or a conservatory. Or a decrepit abbey like St. Andrews in Scotland (I think that was St. Andrews...not quite sure but it was beautifully destroyed with vibrant green lawns).
I have rather domestic fantasies these days. Not even like biological clock ones indicating that I want babies. Domestic. Like houses and gardens and community. It is very bizarre. I think that is because I work in the city. I now understand why people who work in cities need country homes. They need them for sanities' sake. Of course, we could bring the country into the city. Not by decorating in the psuedo-country style (yuck, ruffled curtains) but developing spaces for gardens and redeeming them. I love redemption of anything. It is the meta-narrative that I most identify with. Reminds me that I can make a mess of life and it can still be redeemed, made beautiful.
But, oh yeah, city gardens are a good thing...I think that I wrote a paper about them in college for Community Org and Development.
So, back to my day. It was rather marvelous. Restorative views, marvelous company, good physical exertion. I felt embraced by the world.
Is this too sweet to leave things at? We'll pretend the ending really was this good. Maybe it is if I believe it. ;)
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Changes in the day
I was going to write a post about flirting tonight. But, I think that I will change my mind. On a whim, I decided to invite a friend to see Blood Diamond with me. The movie had been mentioned in a meeting last week at work and I originally had wanted to see it, as I was sensitized to the issue of conflict diamonds while in college (some of my profs were former missionaries to Sierra Leone). I knew that this movie would be graphic in violence and emotional for me. Emotional because of the sweeping vistas of grassy plains and hills, interspersed elephants going about their business, while men are at the business of war (not to let the ladies off the hook-I will get to that later). Graphic, well, the title should indicate so.
In college, some of my friends had the ethical conundrum regarding an engagement ring. They had just found out in a class that diamonds were being mined, exported illegally, and ultimately that symbol of finding your soul mate could also have funded the killing of many lives. But, I'm not laying on the guilt. I'm a consumerist and I make choices every day that I do not even think about, which I am sure have global results. That's the western guilt I live with. I try to buy fair trade, and organic, and shade grown, and...but I really get exhausted. And when I see a pair of jeans on sale that fit, I really have to try hard to remember what conditions the jeans might have been made in, or the plight of cotton workers, or that there might be lingering chemicals that are toxic to me. Frankly, with the amount of knowledge I have and an active imagination, I don't know why I get up in the morning!!
But, I am reminded that the world is broken (fallen, some would say) and that we can have hope that our actions are somewhat better than worse. Maybe not the best, which I hope and dream for (some would call that eternity or heaven), but certainly not the worst. HOPE.
I can't really even believe that I have started writing about a movie such as Blood Diamond and ending up hopeful. I could explain it a little more-there are themes of redemption, righteousness, sacrifice and justice in the movie. Tastes of the future. There is mercy. But, to mention specifics would give the movie away. It was somewhat traumatizing, but if I live a life where I am not even traumatized by the movies that I watch, then I will be numb.
One part of the movie that deeply distressed me, but I also felt helpful, was the depiction of the indoctrination of child soldiers. I am sure that wars have been waged in the west using children, but I hope it was not to the length that is currently going in some places of the world. Children should be appreciated and cared for, so that they can create a better world (and because they are intrisic worth, just like you and me). Not abused, drugged, traumatized and forced to do the jobs that adults won't or can't. But, then they grow into adults who can't get out of the system.
HOPE-oh yeah-what is that? Well, there is a little hope-maybe you've seen the movie and can comment. I like comments. Any ideas on how to change the world just a little? Man, I am so cheesy!
Oh, I found a curious musing here. And thanks to my friend for joining me for the movie-my nail marks on your arm will disappear shortly.
In college, some of my friends had the ethical conundrum regarding an engagement ring. They had just found out in a class that diamonds were being mined, exported illegally, and ultimately that symbol of finding your soul mate could also have funded the killing of many lives. But, I'm not laying on the guilt. I'm a consumerist and I make choices every day that I do not even think about, which I am sure have global results. That's the western guilt I live with. I try to buy fair trade, and organic, and shade grown, and...but I really get exhausted. And when I see a pair of jeans on sale that fit, I really have to try hard to remember what conditions the jeans might have been made in, or the plight of cotton workers, or that there might be lingering chemicals that are toxic to me. Frankly, with the amount of knowledge I have and an active imagination, I don't know why I get up in the morning!!
But, I am reminded that the world is broken (fallen, some would say) and that we can have hope that our actions are somewhat better than worse. Maybe not the best, which I hope and dream for (some would call that eternity or heaven), but certainly not the worst. HOPE.
I can't really even believe that I have started writing about a movie such as Blood Diamond and ending up hopeful. I could explain it a little more-there are themes of redemption, righteousness, sacrifice and justice in the movie. Tastes of the future. There is mercy. But, to mention specifics would give the movie away. It was somewhat traumatizing, but if I live a life where I am not even traumatized by the movies that I watch, then I will be numb.
One part of the movie that deeply distressed me, but I also felt helpful, was the depiction of the indoctrination of child soldiers. I am sure that wars have been waged in the west using children, but I hope it was not to the length that is currently going in some places of the world. Children should be appreciated and cared for, so that they can create a better world (and because they are intrisic worth, just like you and me). Not abused, drugged, traumatized and forced to do the jobs that adults won't or can't. But, then they grow into adults who can't get out of the system.
HOPE-oh yeah-what is that? Well, there is a little hope-maybe you've seen the movie and can comment. I like comments. Any ideas on how to change the world just a little? Man, I am so cheesy!
Oh, I found a curious musing here. And thanks to my friend for joining me for the movie-my nail marks on your arm will disappear shortly.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Taize
Pronounced "ta-zai". There's a new Taize service being held by a local Catholic church's young adult group. All in all the origins of why this group is holding a Taize service are a little curious, but I had been hearing about Taize for a few years. I think the first time was after my completion of the Christian in the Modern World Course at the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity. I was visiting a friend in Devon and I think that we were talking about alternative or "postmodern" worship services. She told me about a community in France that wrote hymns. I was a little intrigued because I thought "hymns" had to old, something akin to the age of item being labeled "antique" or "vintage". It's easy to qualify a Charles Wesley song as a hymn, but I wasn't so sure about "contemporary" hymns.
I'm not sure the next time "Taize" popped up. I think it might have been when I met with the Associate Pastor of Spiritual Nuture at a local church, but maybe not. I know that I learned more about the life of Brother Roger, the founder of the Taize community, at the Contemplative Retreat that the church held just last August. I think at that point, I looked them up on the internet to find out a little more. I found out that the "community" was not THAT old; it was started during WWII. It is an ecuemenical community, which draws me in: my extended family is quite ecuemenical, although they might not view it that way. The community focuses on contemplation and reconciliation; everyone knows that I need to slow down a bit and I am always intrigued, amazed, and humbled by reconciliation.
Then, the aforementioned young adults' group had a lecture on the Taize community, which my Tuesday night group decided to attend. Not only did we learn a little more of the history of the community and that thousands of young adults pilgrimage there every summer, but was also sang some of the hymns (very easy to sing, very rich in truth and depth), as well as participated in a little Q & A. It was then they announced that they were going to have a Taize service on the first Friday of the month. There are many Taize services and Taize communities around the world. I missed the last two services, because I was out of town, busy or ill. Last Friday, however, I planned as best as I could. I tried to catch the 6:02 train out so that I could arrive by 7:00 p.m.... the train was late. I ended up being about 10 minutes late and quietly, as possible, entered the basement room of silent people.
There was an icon on the wall depicting Mary and the infant Jesus. Four or five lamps on the table at the front. Wooden benches, carpet squares on the stone or concrete floor. All of the benches were filled in the back, just like in church. The air was moist, as it was outside, with a very bizarre fog and warm weather. I tried to sit on the carpet in the aisle, as there was another girl there, partly blocking my attempts to take a seat on the benches further up. A woman patted me on the shoulder, though, and indicated that there were seats. I clutched my keys so that they would not jingle in the silent breathing, as I clumsily moved to the seat, picking up the song sheets with my left hand, and wondering what use my purse was inside.
As I had entered the building, there was a basket purposed to hold flashlights, but they were all out. There were boards to my left, reminding me to be silent on AstroBright pages. "Silence!!" on fuschia paper. So, I held on to my keys, which have a small LED light on them, just in case.
In the darkness inside the room, a woman blew a pitch pipe and then started to sing. After she finished the first round of the song, we then sang with her, multiple times. At first, I was just concentrating on the melody, trying to read the notes in the dark. I gathered enough. Then, I focused on the words, listened, and let them soak in.
15 minutes of silence. When do I have 15 minutes of silence-to think of God? Of my "to-do" list? Of what I desire? This was the time. I felt like I was in an elevator. No one speaks to each other in an elevator and this is appropriate politeness. No one speaks during the silence and this is appropriate. What a break to be in community, focused on God and not have to speak! To know that you are in communion with your brothers and sisters and not have to be doing anything. We all may be having a different experience of God; the girl on the floor now to my right is sitting with her palms up, I can only guess expecting to receive something from the Lord. It was beautiful to sit there.
I have been in other environments like this: the retreat, Teen Mania internship, etc. Rarely have I experienced this in "church". All of the chatter-can we hear God?
We ended with songs and scripture and silently floated out. I re-entered the larger, lit room, looked around and saw unknown faces. But, as I was exiting, the silhouette of a guy from my group stood out. We started chatting, but then another girl from the Catholic group introduced herself and invited me to pub. So, I went, parked and found the group again, to meet some new people....
I'm not sure the next time "Taize" popped up. I think it might have been when I met with the Associate Pastor of Spiritual Nuture at a local church, but maybe not. I know that I learned more about the life of Brother Roger, the founder of the Taize community, at the Contemplative Retreat that the church held just last August. I think at that point, I looked them up on the internet to find out a little more. I found out that the "community" was not THAT old; it was started during WWII. It is an ecuemenical community, which draws me in: my extended family is quite ecuemenical, although they might not view it that way. The community focuses on contemplation and reconciliation; everyone knows that I need to slow down a bit and I am always intrigued, amazed, and humbled by reconciliation.
Then, the aforementioned young adults' group had a lecture on the Taize community, which my Tuesday night group decided to attend. Not only did we learn a little more of the history of the community and that thousands of young adults pilgrimage there every summer, but was also sang some of the hymns (very easy to sing, very rich in truth and depth), as well as participated in a little Q & A. It was then they announced that they were going to have a Taize service on the first Friday of the month. There are many Taize services and Taize communities around the world. I missed the last two services, because I was out of town, busy or ill. Last Friday, however, I planned as best as I could. I tried to catch the 6:02 train out so that I could arrive by 7:00 p.m.... the train was late. I ended up being about 10 minutes late and quietly, as possible, entered the basement room of silent people.
There was an icon on the wall depicting Mary and the infant Jesus. Four or five lamps on the table at the front. Wooden benches, carpet squares on the stone or concrete floor. All of the benches were filled in the back, just like in church. The air was moist, as it was outside, with a very bizarre fog and warm weather. I tried to sit on the carpet in the aisle, as there was another girl there, partly blocking my attempts to take a seat on the benches further up. A woman patted me on the shoulder, though, and indicated that there were seats. I clutched my keys so that they would not jingle in the silent breathing, as I clumsily moved to the seat, picking up the song sheets with my left hand, and wondering what use my purse was inside.
As I had entered the building, there was a basket purposed to hold flashlights, but they were all out. There were boards to my left, reminding me to be silent on AstroBright pages. "Silence!!" on fuschia paper. So, I held on to my keys, which have a small LED light on them, just in case.
In the darkness inside the room, a woman blew a pitch pipe and then started to sing. After she finished the first round of the song, we then sang with her, multiple times. At first, I was just concentrating on the melody, trying to read the notes in the dark. I gathered enough. Then, I focused on the words, listened, and let them soak in.
15 minutes of silence. When do I have 15 minutes of silence-to think of God? Of my "to-do" list? Of what I desire? This was the time. I felt like I was in an elevator. No one speaks to each other in an elevator and this is appropriate politeness. No one speaks during the silence and this is appropriate. What a break to be in community, focused on God and not have to speak! To know that you are in communion with your brothers and sisters and not have to be doing anything. We all may be having a different experience of God; the girl on the floor now to my right is sitting with her palms up, I can only guess expecting to receive something from the Lord. It was beautiful to sit there.
I have been in other environments like this: the retreat, Teen Mania internship, etc. Rarely have I experienced this in "church". All of the chatter-can we hear God?
We ended with songs and scripture and silently floated out. I re-entered the larger, lit room, looked around and saw unknown faces. But, as I was exiting, the silhouette of a guy from my group stood out. We started chatting, but then another girl from the Catholic group introduced herself and invited me to pub. So, I went, parked and found the group again, to meet some new people....
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