Normally, my schedule is full. I really try to space out activities, but last Saturday I found myself running to pottery, then to coffee and then to my book group, finally winding up back home. I left the house at 9:15 s.m. and returned around 6:00 p.m. A little too much for me. By Sunday I was grumpy and hitting the wall. I managed my meeting at church and that was it. However, being the adventurous person that I am, I found it perfectly suitable to go grocery shopping in the ever increasing snow. Then I went out with a friend for lunch and a movie, both enjoyable activities and fairly relaxing. I needed sleep, though.
I've been working on the sleep for a couple of days now and my mood has improved. It got worse Monday night, as I clanged around the kitchen cleaning in expectation of my mother and sister's return. Expressing my displeasure with the state of the world as I banged down dishes, swore under my breath, and expressed exasperations into the air. It's funny how I can be gripped with such an attitude. I try desperately to hide such railings in my life from other people, particularly my friends, and yet I am writing about it on the internet with two of my closest friends comprising my main readership. I find this medium freeing, but sometimes false. Is it really 'me' writing or a persona that I have created? Can I only express this side of myself because I have the barrier of letters, internet, the screen? Do we all keep up fences to some extent and that is good, or can we truly know and be ok with someone?
Man, I'll start writing about love and identity again if I don't watch out. I have been reading a little bit about identity, or image/icon, tonight in "The Orthodox Church" by Timothy Ware. Maybe I have mentioned this before, but I have been reading it for about a year or so-maybe more "so" than anything else. I remember reading it in my old house-so, more than a year (tangent, oh, I remember the blue of that room, lovingly painted in stripes, like the inside of a Tiffany box. someday I want another Yarmouth blue room, but I want a view of the water, too). Anyway, the orthodox view of man as the image bearer of God is quite fascinating and articulates ideas that I have only lesser words at disposal. Basically, with the little understanding that I have, Adam was not a super perfect human (all wise and knowledgeable) which I think the Biblical account supports, but an innocent and simple human. He did not fall from great superiority to wretched evil, but is separated from God. Likewise, humanity is not guilt ridden, but full of much potential, however separated we are from God. We have a choice- to have restitution with God through Jesus, or remain separated. This life, I believe, cannot offer full separation, though, as God is over all and through all, and however horrid this world can be, his grace carries us. Well, those are just some of my thoughts for the evening ramble...Oh right, but there is a little more, so humans have free will and although they are made in the image of God are also being conformed to "his likeness" (if one so chooses) which is the ongoing process. Different streams of the faith have different words: sanctification, becoming like Jesus, being transformed. But the end is glorious, even if the path is painful. There was another thought somewhere in all of that-about life as a living sacrifice-and not cushy, but I forgot.
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3 comments:
I know, personally, writing is one place where the real me comes out, not guarded by whatever concerns I may have "in person". I tend to struggle with the sense that when I interact with people I am often in some form and to some level using a perona. I am glad for this avenue (blogging) to greater knowledge of myself and my friends. We feel free-er as you noted, so we share more of ourselves here. I see it as a very good thing.
I appreciate your comments on adam being innocent and simple, not falling from great superiority to wretched evil. I think that is important to recognize. It's refreshing.
I like how your thoughts start and end with something profound. I still have a need to read the rest, but I read this post last night before getting to bed, and again this morning, its quite insightful and leaves me much to chew on.
Hmmph...I wonder if I'm attempting to be profound too much and becoming effluent. I don't know. But, if I give you things to chew on, that's cool. Welcome to my blog (aka "the weird stuff that comes out of my head")! :)
Check out Sarah's blog, too! She rocks. Now I need sleep.
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