Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Peter Bjorn and John
I could have sworn I heard a girl in the "Young Folks" track so I spent about 3 minutes looking for "Peter Bjorn and Jean" before I remembered that it had to be on a WTMD playlist. I really like their sound. And no shit, they have a sitar version of "Young Folks" but it sounds more like a dance remix for the little bit I could listen on Amazon. I think this might be the next CD I buy. Next I'll start reviewing music... their sound ranges from 60's doors to duran duran's sound in the 80's. Ok not a great review, but I only listened to seconds from the songs they don't play on the radio-just wait for the full version of my review...
A breather
Normally, my schedule is full. I really try to space out activities, but last Saturday I found myself running to pottery, then to coffee and then to my book group, finally winding up back home. I left the house at 9:15 s.m. and returned around 6:00 p.m. A little too much for me. By Sunday I was grumpy and hitting the wall. I managed my meeting at church and that was it. However, being the adventurous person that I am, I found it perfectly suitable to go grocery shopping in the ever increasing snow. Then I went out with a friend for lunch and a movie, both enjoyable activities and fairly relaxing. I needed sleep, though.
I've been working on the sleep for a couple of days now and my mood has improved. It got worse Monday night, as I clanged around the kitchen cleaning in expectation of my mother and sister's return. Expressing my displeasure with the state of the world as I banged down dishes, swore under my breath, and expressed exasperations into the air. It's funny how I can be gripped with such an attitude. I try desperately to hide such railings in my life from other people, particularly my friends, and yet I am writing about it on the internet with two of my closest friends comprising my main readership. I find this medium freeing, but sometimes false. Is it really 'me' writing or a persona that I have created? Can I only express this side of myself because I have the barrier of letters, internet, the screen? Do we all keep up fences to some extent and that is good, or can we truly know and be ok with someone?
Man, I'll start writing about love and identity again if I don't watch out. I have been reading a little bit about identity, or image/icon, tonight in "The Orthodox Church" by Timothy Ware. Maybe I have mentioned this before, but I have been reading it for about a year or so-maybe more "so" than anything else. I remember reading it in my old house-so, more than a year (tangent, oh, I remember the blue of that room, lovingly painted in stripes, like the inside of a Tiffany box. someday I want another Yarmouth blue room, but I want a view of the water, too). Anyway, the orthodox view of man as the image bearer of God is quite fascinating and articulates ideas that I have only lesser words at disposal. Basically, with the little understanding that I have, Adam was not a super perfect human (all wise and knowledgeable) which I think the Biblical account supports, but an innocent and simple human. He did not fall from great superiority to wretched evil, but is separated from God. Likewise, humanity is not guilt ridden, but full of much potential, however separated we are from God. We have a choice- to have restitution with God through Jesus, or remain separated. This life, I believe, cannot offer full separation, though, as God is over all and through all, and however horrid this world can be, his grace carries us. Well, those are just some of my thoughts for the evening ramble...Oh right, but there is a little more, so humans have free will and although they are made in the image of God are also being conformed to "his likeness" (if one so chooses) which is the ongoing process. Different streams of the faith have different words: sanctification, becoming like Jesus, being transformed. But the end is glorious, even if the path is painful. There was another thought somewhere in all of that-about life as a living sacrifice-and not cushy, but I forgot.
I've been working on the sleep for a couple of days now and my mood has improved. It got worse Monday night, as I clanged around the kitchen cleaning in expectation of my mother and sister's return. Expressing my displeasure with the state of the world as I banged down dishes, swore under my breath, and expressed exasperations into the air. It's funny how I can be gripped with such an attitude. I try desperately to hide such railings in my life from other people, particularly my friends, and yet I am writing about it on the internet with two of my closest friends comprising my main readership. I find this medium freeing, but sometimes false. Is it really 'me' writing or a persona that I have created? Can I only express this side of myself because I have the barrier of letters, internet, the screen? Do we all keep up fences to some extent and that is good, or can we truly know and be ok with someone?
Man, I'll start writing about love and identity again if I don't watch out. I have been reading a little bit about identity, or image/icon, tonight in "The Orthodox Church" by Timothy Ware. Maybe I have mentioned this before, but I have been reading it for about a year or so-maybe more "so" than anything else. I remember reading it in my old house-so, more than a year (tangent, oh, I remember the blue of that room, lovingly painted in stripes, like the inside of a Tiffany box. someday I want another Yarmouth blue room, but I want a view of the water, too). Anyway, the orthodox view of man as the image bearer of God is quite fascinating and articulates ideas that I have only lesser words at disposal. Basically, with the little understanding that I have, Adam was not a super perfect human (all wise and knowledgeable) which I think the Biblical account supports, but an innocent and simple human. He did not fall from great superiority to wretched evil, but is separated from God. Likewise, humanity is not guilt ridden, but full of much potential, however separated we are from God. We have a choice- to have restitution with God through Jesus, or remain separated. This life, I believe, cannot offer full separation, though, as God is over all and through all, and however horrid this world can be, his grace carries us. Well, those are just some of my thoughts for the evening ramble...Oh right, but there is a little more, so humans have free will and although they are made in the image of God are also being conformed to "his likeness" (if one so chooses) which is the ongoing process. Different streams of the faith have different words: sanctification, becoming like Jesus, being transformed. But the end is glorious, even if the path is painful. There was another thought somewhere in all of that-about life as a living sacrifice-and not cushy, but I forgot.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Identity
OK, I wrote this a while back, but felt that I was on a tirade. But, given my last post, I thought I would throw it in. Maybe my next posts will be more fun...some thoughts on music perhaps or Daisy Miller.
I wish that anonymous would have responded to the stream on identity last time...I'm sure that Sarah and I didn't mean to bite your head off on that point.
Anyways, I thought that I would write a bit more about what I thought about identity. I can't say that I am satisfied with different identities. I want to truly be. I have to hope and believe that people will like me and even love me as I am. To learn to express myself and act out of my true heart, rather than confirm to someone's expectations of me.
I think that we all take roles in life-please correct me if I am wrong. My mom says that I was born an adult. I'm not sure that I understand everything that she means by that. However, I was fascinated by the world of adulthood at very young age. Maybe it was because I was surrounded by adults. I was the first child of my parents, first grandchild and first great-grandchild on one side my mom's side of the family. I think that I had something that resembled a suit before I was 10. I felt motherly duties (ack!! maybe I was motherly in my bandage application) toward my two youngest siblings. I made "life decisions" at the age of 3 1/2. OK, I clearly have an over-developed sense of responsibility and self-importance which probably has kept me going in certain circumstances. It's probably served me well, but maybe it has also led to unjust anxiety. I can feel myself getting tense just writing about all of this.
So, my "identity" was caught up in all this-what I "should" be doing. How I should behave rather than what I truly wanted. Hands down, I know that I am at a place still, where I will compromise my personal desires in return for maintaining a relationship. Part of this has to do with theology that I have been taught. "God requires the sacrifce of our desires and wants in order to have a relationship with him." There is some truth in this statement, I believe, as well as some very erroneous thought and and results. First, it's a "me" centered statement. God required sacrifice of himself to have a relationship with me. He did what I could not. Secondly, he knows me better than I know myself and wants me to become whole (some say "restored to his image"). I completely believe that becoming like Christ is becoming who really are. One of my friends talked about a desire to be transformed by Jesus. It's not just a dull march of sanctification that turns us into dour faced moralists, frowning on the externals but lacking the joy of life inside. It's abundant life-overflowing life that we are promised with Jesus. Becoming our true selves...truly living, is part of that same journey. It's freedom. It's grace for myself. So, instead my identity being caught up as post-modern, post-evangelical, skeptical of big churches and just wanting a little peace Christian...I might actually become more loving, patient, kind, perserving, grateful, gentle, self-controlled.
Self-control is a weird thing. It's so easy to tip into legalism and think that we are being self-controlled. It seems to me that whenever we start to think that we are better than others because of our morality, we have fallen prey to pride and legalism. Self-control allows me to love you better, not judge.
That's all I've got to say tonight.
I wish that anonymous would have responded to the stream on identity last time...I'm sure that Sarah and I didn't mean to bite your head off on that point.
Anyways, I thought that I would write a bit more about what I thought about identity. I can't say that I am satisfied with different identities. I want to truly be. I have to hope and believe that people will like me and even love me as I am. To learn to express myself and act out of my true heart, rather than confirm to someone's expectations of me.
I think that we all take roles in life-please correct me if I am wrong. My mom says that I was born an adult. I'm not sure that I understand everything that she means by that. However, I was fascinated by the world of adulthood at very young age. Maybe it was because I was surrounded by adults. I was the first child of my parents, first grandchild and first great-grandchild on one side my mom's side of the family. I think that I had something that resembled a suit before I was 10. I felt motherly duties (ack!! maybe I was motherly in my bandage application) toward my two youngest siblings. I made "life decisions" at the age of 3 1/2. OK, I clearly have an over-developed sense of responsibility and self-importance which probably has kept me going in certain circumstances. It's probably served me well, but maybe it has also led to unjust anxiety. I can feel myself getting tense just writing about all of this.
So, my "identity" was caught up in all this-what I "should" be doing. How I should behave rather than what I truly wanted. Hands down, I know that I am at a place still, where I will compromise my personal desires in return for maintaining a relationship. Part of this has to do with theology that I have been taught. "God requires the sacrifce of our desires and wants in order to have a relationship with him." There is some truth in this statement, I believe, as well as some very erroneous thought and and results. First, it's a "me" centered statement. God required sacrifice of himself to have a relationship with me. He did what I could not. Secondly, he knows me better than I know myself and wants me to become whole (some say "restored to his image"). I completely believe that becoming like Christ is becoming who really are. One of my friends talked about a desire to be transformed by Jesus. It's not just a dull march of sanctification that turns us into dour faced moralists, frowning on the externals but lacking the joy of life inside. It's abundant life-overflowing life that we are promised with Jesus. Becoming our true selves...truly living, is part of that same journey. It's freedom. It's grace for myself. So, instead my identity being caught up as post-modern, post-evangelical, skeptical of big churches and just wanting a little peace Christian...I might actually become more loving, patient, kind, perserving, grateful, gentle, self-controlled.
Self-control is a weird thing. It's so easy to tip into legalism and think that we are being self-controlled. It seems to me that whenever we start to think that we are better than others because of our morality, we have fallen prey to pride and legalism. Self-control allows me to love you better, not judge.
That's all I've got to say tonight.
Some thoughts from a while ago...
When my brain is clear, the car is the perfect time to sort out my next blog. I can think in the care because the distractions are relatively few, even with the radio on. I realize that this might be disconcerting for those that share road space with me (don't worry, I'm not writing this in the car-I'm on the train). It probably should be.
An amusing story along those same lines-my dad says that he was pulled over and ticketed for thinking. Of course, he was pulled over and ticketed for speeding. However, he was speeding because he was not paying attention to the road. He was thinking. Inevitably solving some technical conundrum-Eureka! I'm pretty sure that he was also talking to himself, too. It's become a rather bad habit in my family, which makes other people wonder about our sanity. Really, though, it is just verbal processing. Many people verbally process with other people...sometimes it's called gossip. Or, as with my dad, he verbally processes audibly with himself. Sometimes Q & A going back and forth. This is probably easier for him than talking to other people, he doesn't like a lot of other people very much and most people have no idea what he is talking about anyways (what silicon rods connected to each other-how exciting!!).
I find that I also talk to myself...at least I am aware that I do this.
I was going to write about something else. I do this a lot. But, I was going to write more about identity. We've touched on this before...maybe another day.
An amusing story along those same lines-my dad says that he was pulled over and ticketed for thinking. Of course, he was pulled over and ticketed for speeding. However, he was speeding because he was not paying attention to the road. He was thinking. Inevitably solving some technical conundrum-Eureka! I'm pretty sure that he was also talking to himself, too. It's become a rather bad habit in my family, which makes other people wonder about our sanity. Really, though, it is just verbal processing. Many people verbally process with other people...sometimes it's called gossip. Or, as with my dad, he verbally processes audibly with himself. Sometimes Q & A going back and forth. This is probably easier for him than talking to other people, he doesn't like a lot of other people very much and most people have no idea what he is talking about anyways (what silicon rods connected to each other-how exciting!!).
I find that I also talk to myself...at least I am aware that I do this.
I was going to write about something else. I do this a lot. But, I was going to write more about identity. We've touched on this before...maybe another day.
Bad Valentine's Day ideas
I'm on this list serve for One World New York. One World hosts non-profit happy hours with LIRS in B'more sometimes. Normally, I like the information and ideas that I get from them, but not for Valentine's Day. I'm really a traditionalist when it comes to some things...namely being wooed. I LOVE fresh flowers (although I have a hierarchy of flowers) so I found the following message in my inbox to fly in the face of all things beautiful about Valentine's day:
Just to top it off...I'm not going out with a guy for V-day. I'm hanging with the girls as a testimony that true love is not limited to romantic love...but that's another blog that perhaps is not so vacuous.
From: OneWorld.net [mailto:oneworlddc@gmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 06, 2007 4:54 PM
To: owny@lists.us.oneworld.net
Subject: [owny] Forget Roses-Get Creative This V-Day!
Forget Roses-Get Creative This V-Day!
You know your loved one really doesn't need
another bouquet of roses this Valentine's Day.
Are you trying to think of an original and socially
conscious gift for them? How about a llama,
donated in their name to a family in Ecuador?
Or a fair trade gift like soapstone heart boxes
from Kenya? Stand out from the crowd and give
your loved one a gift that will truly make a difference.
The OneWorld Gift Guide helps you find fair trade
jewelry, crafts, and other items as well as find
causes that you can help your loved one support.
start your search!
Just to top it off...I'm not going out with a guy for V-day. I'm hanging with the girls as a testimony that true love is not limited to romantic love...but that's another blog that perhaps is not so vacuous.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Attack of the tuna fish can!
Some people can whip up a gourmet dinner in an hour...with the food already in their fridge. I have found that men are not normally in this category of people. Tonight, I ate the best tuna fish sandwich ever, though. Maybe it was the white toasted bread...I don't know. Anyways, I was at my friend's house and we realized it was rather a little past our normal dinner time. We thought about pizza, but that would take to long to arrive, although we would have to leave the couch once to accomplish our task of obtaining sustenance.
But, we settled on tuna. I don't know if my friend was just trying to make me feel useful or trying to distract me from videotaping him on my phone preparing tuna sandwiches, but he needed my burliness to peel the tops off the tuna cans. It seems however, that I should have also dumped the tuna in the bowl and disposed of the cans without him ever touching them, because he cut himself. And then blamed me for the blood on his finger, thinking that I had cut myself (which was a little more likelier considering that my hands were dry from my pottery class). That was not the case...he bled on me. I would have freaked out had it been any other person (other than immediate family members). So, of course, then I had to make the tuna while he cleaned the wound...then I had to put the band-aid on...he said I was motherly which I shut down immediately. Nurturing is a good thing...motherly I will leave to the real mothers!
And so I made excellent tuna sandwiches, which we both laughed about. He thought it was the worst meal that he had made for me...hotdogs when we broke up were worst, I told him. All that being said, they were good tuna sandwiches and it's really all about who you are with anyway. I would rather eat the simplest food with the right company than the best food in the world with people I don't care for. It's as simple as that. And don't worry, he's on the mend.
But, we settled on tuna. I don't know if my friend was just trying to make me feel useful or trying to distract me from videotaping him on my phone preparing tuna sandwiches, but he needed my burliness to peel the tops off the tuna cans. It seems however, that I should have also dumped the tuna in the bowl and disposed of the cans without him ever touching them, because he cut himself. And then blamed me for the blood on his finger, thinking that I had cut myself (which was a little more likelier considering that my hands were dry from my pottery class). That was not the case...he bled on me. I would have freaked out had it been any other person (other than immediate family members). So, of course, then I had to make the tuna while he cleaned the wound...then I had to put the band-aid on...he said I was motherly which I shut down immediately. Nurturing is a good thing...motherly I will leave to the real mothers!
And so I made excellent tuna sandwiches, which we both laughed about. He thought it was the worst meal that he had made for me...hotdogs when we broke up were worst, I told him. All that being said, they were good tuna sandwiches and it's really all about who you are with anyway. I would rather eat the simplest food with the right company than the best food in the world with people I don't care for. It's as simple as that. And don't worry, he's on the mend.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Too many things
I've been too busy to blog...I just want a night at home so that I can blog, drink some wine and catch up on my e-mails, phone calls and researching random artsy-fartsy things on the web.
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